Hopefully one chapter in proof draft

I think I am competing for most boring thesis picture this week as I have put up a picture of what I hope is some of the text of my final thesis. Of course I have not anything significant, just a random bit of text and part of a picture. Yes I have managed to get the occasional picture into my thesis.

Actually the entire weekend has been spent trying to get that chapter into a proof form. This has been quite a task as there was some re-organisation left to do. So this weekend I first worked through my proof readers alterations, then went through and structurally reorganised it and finally went through with Grammarly with it. What Grammarly was annoying in two respects: it picked up uses of generic "you" which are entirely appropriate for the sort of academic writing I am doing and it also picked up the passive which is used a lot more in academic writing than in general writing. I just told it to ignore the first and I had a go at removing the second but did not worry too much if I simply could not.

However it very usefully had an error that it called "Too Wordy". I think it was intended to catch too flowery language. However what it ended up doing was picking up sentences which were what I would call run on sentences. That meant at the start of the sentence I was writing one sentence and at the end I was writing the next sentence. The cojoined twins of the sentence universe. They usually made no sense at all. I needed to separate the two sentences and make sure each said what I intended it to say.

Anyway I have sent the chapter back to one of my proof readers to see if all this concentration on detail has actually made the chapter better or has destroyed the structure.

Oh it is the chapter on flows which is probably the hardest chapter to write well as it crosses the boundary between science and social science. This makes the choice of language interesting as I need to use words differently in different parts of the chapter.